Sauj Math

after you go on a 6 month hiatus from drinking and then suddenly, you decide to have a wham bam thank you ma'am rockstar weekend in vegas, what does your body do? reject living for a while. even though my headache went away post-alka selzter (i love you!), my tummy is still nauseous and my body is sore. okay, so the sore part is not from the drinking but from my out-of-shape lazy ass self trying to put together some sexy-only-to-yourself-when-your-drunk dance moves for two straight nights. but you get the point. me = hurtin'.

so, to demonstrate my retarded drunkenness, let me tell you how i lose money in style in vegas. here's me at the hard rock single deck blackjack table.

episode 1
dealer named kim who has worked in casinos for 18 years even though her plan was to take a one-year break before applying to law school (showing a mother f'in king): "yes?"
me (holding a 6 and an 8): "hit please."
kim: "a 9."
me (sliding my cards face down): "cool."
(kim finishes dealing. she shows a 17.)
kim: "um, you can flip your cards over when you bust."
me: "huh? i had good cards!"
kim: "you have 23."
nora chimes in from the peanut gallery: "can you believe she went to mit?"
me: "hey! don't you have mit alums in some blackball list in casinos?"
kim: "i highly doubt you are on it."

episode 2 (two deals later)
me (holding a 5 and an ace): "hit please"
kim: "4."
me: "hit please"
kim: "Q"
me: "yay!"
(kim finsihes dealing. she shows 18.)
me: "go me. i win, i had a 20!"
kim: "um, yeah, you had 20 TWICE. you can really stop the first time you get it."

i know i make my alma mater proud. me and my retarded, aging, weak sauce, drunk, card shark, dancing machine self. thanks vegas!